Blah Blah Blah Cancer Blah Blah

by Suzanne Whang

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about

This song is dedicated to all the people who have given me or anyone else unsolicited advice about cancer - Suzanne Whang

lyrics

My name is Suzanne and I have cancer
It’s not a question, so no need for an answer
I’m sick of all your unsolicited advice
So if you feel like giving it, you better think twice

Blah blah cancer blah blah
Blah blah cancer blah blah

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Cancer
Cancer and Cancer and Cancer and Cancer
If I say it enough, and pile it on your plate
Maybe overuse will make you habituate
And get bored with it, like I wish that you would be
So I can stop writing rap and get back to melody

Blah blah cancer blah blah
Blah blah cancer blah blah

My main complaint is that you’re calling me a saint
When I’m losing my ability to exercise restraint
And you SAY stupid shit, like “Is that your real hair?”
Yes, is that your face, or perhaps your derriere?

Blah blah cancer blah blah
Blah blah cancer blah blah

“You should really eat more, you know you’re much too skinny.”
Maybe it’s the chemo, you simple little ninny.

Blah blah cancer blah blah
Blah blah cancer blah blah

“You need more exercise, you should really try walking.”
I’m sorry, I was spacing out the whole time you were talking.

Blah blah cancer blah blah
Blah blah cancer blah blah

“You look so pretty, are you sure you’re really sick?”
You sound so stupid, can I punch you in the dick?

Blah blah cancer blah blah
Blah blah cancer blah blah

“I have an idea! You should get some radiation!”
Holy shit! Give this man a nomination
And standing ovation for his brilliant proclamation
Oh, and please get me a pen, so I can take dictation!

Blah blah cancer blah blah
Blah blah cancer blah blah

“You wouldn’t be sick if you knew Jesus was The One.”
You wouldn’t be alive right now if I had bought a gun

Blah blah cancer blah blah
Blah blah cancer blah blah

“If you don’t obey… what I say, you’re going to be dead.”
Well I was taught to be polite, so you first . Go ahead.

Blah blah cancer blah blah
Blah blah cancer blah blah

Cancer is a gift, that’s what all the gurus say
And yet you never see it, on Santa’s flying sleigh

If cancer is a gift, then I want to return it
There’s gotta be a better way than “cut it out, and burn it”
Or poison it and poison me
It’s such a damn dichotomy
If radiation causes it, how can it be the cure?
If chemo causes tumors, well then sign me up for sure!

Blah blah cancer blah blah
Blah blah cancer blah blah

If you really want to help me
You can ask me what I’ve tried
Ask me what I’m doing now
And how I feel inside

Ask what I believe in
And not how much I weigh
Ask what you can say or do
To help me out today

And if you listen to my answers
Before you spew your words
They’ll come across like diamonds
Instead of little turds

So if I bite your head off
Please don’t take offense
But some things that you say to me
Are lacking common sense

I’m grateful for your love
So don’t think that I’m a cunt
It’s just that having cancer
Has made me really blunt

Blah blah cancer blah blah
Blah blah cancer blah blah

If you still don’t understand, and
You don’t wanna be a shmuck

You know what you should do?
Shut the fuck up!
You know what you should do?
Shut the fuck up
You know what you should do?
Shut the fuck up
You know what you should do?
Shut the fuck up!

credits

released 19 January 2012
Lyrics/Vocals by Suzanne Whang (ASCAP)
Music written, produced and performed by Eric Schwartz (ASCAP)

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